seriously??

 02:22 june 7 2026

ugh seriously is this a crush? is it possibly a crush? it's an impossible crush if so. which makes sense because most all crushes i get are impossible. is it the mystery of getting to know someone but not knowing them fully yet? the promise? i wonder. but i'm a bit scared to find out. but also if i super-rationalize, this crush makes a lot of sense as i'm just figuring them out, or starting to, now. i bet i'm going to look back at the physical contact of tonight and cringe. but gnight anyway. im glad i got to see more people before i leave chicago. but i hope upon hope i make it back soon. maybe if i make a mean manhattan.

0232

jesus well i think it is a crush. a bit doomed of one at that but oh well. i hope the reign of my attention will come back to myself soon. and i also hope that i am in their good graces still, or even better than that. :) thinking of our hands lingering a little as left but i think that's my brain amplifying things. if i don't get to know them better asap, it might be over..! but i smell some potential ick already

0241

i hope it wasn't too obvious? and i hope i didn't lose too much favor with other relevant people.. this is a tiny crush tho thus far, newly hatched. perhaps hopefully easily passed by soon. because honestly neither of us wants this crush.

0243 

didnt write this earlier but couldnt help but think of the metaphorical or representative. went to jazz bar and mostly only really talked and listened my friends chatting despite amazing music. perhaps my chicago heritage is the jazz but my culture is the people i met. im glad i went again though. one of my last nights out in my "college career"