FUCK

 i legiterally can't get off instagram RAHHH i told myself to get up and go do readings or whatever but any notion of exerting mental effort gets shut off and rewired to going back to swiping because it is the easiest source of accomplishment feeling (empty) but i seriously need to get freaking dressed !!!!! 

got my sumud flotilla sweater in the mail today so i might just keep wearing it. 

also been having run ins with other peoples feelings kind of this year. maybe right now even and i don't think i can handle that. i have genuinely socialized so damn much this past academic year, too much, even. happy to have met everyone but also found through getting annoyed at people that yeah maybe not all friends are for all scenarios to put it nicely.

1459 14052026

isn't it crazy? it feels crazy to just say something about a whole genocide and continue on as normal. it is crazy, actually. this is very small but in my way of connecting everything even when i dont have to, my starting journalling again is one of the steps i am taking to get out of this damn complacency. like if i can't even live my own life and face my own inconveniences, it's really over for everbody. last night in my head my voice said to me that there is blood on my hands. that was the first time i really thought that for myself.

this whole blog is also partly to connect with that messy teenage girl in myself (thank u for the wording cheming) but she is situated in a world rife with evil and while i say that theatrically i also dont mean it lightly.

1506

1514 back

但願人長久

千里共嬋娟